The biggest lesson Bob Knight taught me
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“Most people have the will to win. Few people have the will to prepare to win. That’s important.”
Bob Knight (emphasis mine)+
“Your biggest opponent isn’t the other guy. It’s human nature.”
Bob Knight
“We don’t lose to Kentucky. We don’t lose to cheaters.”
Bob Knight (paraphrase)^
The quotes above are just a few of the life lessons I learned from Bob Knight over the years. If I felt a little snarky, I could also mention how he also taught me about the air speed velocity of an empty chair, the maximum height of a bouncing phone receiver, and how to improve international relations (or domestic relations, for that matter). But I’m not feeling snarky today. No, I’m feeling pretty serious. Because this life lesson that coach Bob Knight taught me is more important than anything I just shared.
Bob Knight was certainly a polarizing figure. Heck, he was even a polarizing figure in my own life. Whether you idolized the General or despised him, it goes without question that he cast a ridiculously long shadow across the Hoosier state. I can’t tell you how many sermons (yes…sermons) I heard over the decades that referenced Knight’s wit, wisdom, and thoughts about leadership. Shoot…I even heard a devotional thought that quoted him when I was in the hospital last year.
In a state where basketball is king, he was most certainly its four-star general.~ Let’s be honest, though. It didn’t stop at the state line. He cast a long shadow across all of college basketball. His influence was even evident in this year’s Final Four – more than 35 years after his last NCAA national championship.
Bob Knight died a little over a month ago. We could debate and discuss the complex legacy of Bob Knight until we’re blue in the face. Others have done that. I’m sure they’ll continue to discuss, dissect, debate, and fight about his legacy on blogs and radio shows and television sports stations for years…decades to come.
But that’s not why I’m writing this today.
Bob Knight and ‘closure’
The last time I remember seeing Bob Knight in the public eye was three years ago – February 8, 2020. Two decades after his ouster from atop the IU men’s basketball program, The General finally made his triumphant return to the hallowed Assembly Hall.
It was an emotional day, for sure. I happened to be in Evansville when this game was played. “Wow. That’s pretty special. This is great,” Dad said as we watched it all unfold on TV..o After years and years of longing and even some begging for Knight’s return, the moment that some thought would never come was finally at hand. It was a day full of closure for fans, administration, media…you name it.
Except…there wasn’t any closure for Bob Knight himself.
How do I know? Because Bob Hammell, a longtime friend of Coach Knight’s, said so the morning after Knight died. Listen to him answer host Andy Sweeney’s question about closure in the video below.
“In truth, I don’t think Bob got any closure because the ravages of Alzheimer’s had taken their effect by then, he really had no memory of that day. It can’t be passed off as a great moment for him because I don’t think he ever remembered it. I know he didn’t.”
Bob Hammell
That took my breath away when I heard it.
After Bob Knight harbored decades of resentment, bitterness, and hard feelings, he didn’t even know what was happening when he finally had his final moment with a loving fanbase on Branch McCracken Court. He’d had many opportunities to return. He just never did. And never had any closure because of it.
What a heartbreaking ending.
I doubt Bob Knight meant to teach his most important lesson
Here’s the most important lesson I learned from Bob Knight:
Turn the page.
Let it go.
Move on.
Bury the hatchet.
Let bygones be bygones.
Kiss and make up.
Make peace.
There are lots of ways we talk about ridding yourself of bitterness. Many of them are so overused that they’re clichés, at best. But the message remains the same: the only person you hurt when you cling to bitterness and hold on to those hard feelings is yourself. So why let the person (or entity) that hurt you keep on hurting you? Why keep drinking the proverbial poison expecting the other person to die?
I know it’s not easy. I’ve been known to nurse a grudge or two. It’s a whole lot easier to just let those hard feelings fester and take root in your soul.
I’ve been kicked in the teeth about this before. And the realization that Bob Knight never felt the freedom that comes from digging up a bitter root from the depths of your soul was like a punch in the gut. Like I said, it took my breath away.
That image of Isiah Thomas smiling with his coach, will haunt me for a long, long time. Because we now know that his beloved coach had no idea what was going on. If only he’d agreed to just put it all behind him several years before him, this whole episode that brought happiness to so many people wouldn’t sound so tragic now.
So I hope you learn this lesson from Bob Knight. I know I will.
Forgiveness is hard. And you can’t fake it. Believe me. I’ve tried. But it’s worth it.
That’ll preach.
Endnotes
+This is a paraphrase of a quote I heard attributed to him over and over again while I was in high school. I don’t know if he actually said it, though. I think I saw that some have attributed it to John Wooden instead. And maybe that’s true. I don’t know if it matters. It was attributed to Knight enough in the 1990s that I remember I had an IU t-shirt with this quote on the back (you can still buy shirts with variations of this quote on it, by the way). The first time I heard it was during a sermon on Sunday morning. Preacher attributed it to Bob Knight. So I’m going with that for the purposes of this post.
^I’m looking for my copy of Steve Alford’s Playing for Knight. If my memory is correct, Knight berated Alford during halftime of one of their games against KY because he fell asleep on defense at the end of the half. IU was beating KY, but this gave the Wildcats some momentum on their home court going into the half. This was practically unforgiveable because, at the time, Knight knew that KY was a slimy program at the time. There was no way you could allow a program full of cheaters to beat your team – especially when you did everything the right way.
This would have to have happened in 1983. It’s the only time Alford played against KY at Rupp, thanks to Calendargate. I could be misremembering. Once I find my copy of the book, I’ll gladly update this. But even if I’m wrong, it’s clear that Knight had no love for Kentucky. Or cheaters.
~I’d say three national championships and an Olympic gold medal count as four stars. Wouldn’t you?
oAgain…a paraphrase. But it was something pretty close to that.
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