The BEST Halloween Candy

Posted on October 31, 2013October 31, 2013 by Matt Todd

Happy Halloween, y’all! Most communities in our area have decided to postpone trick or treating because of the threat of some pretty nasty weather this evening. The way the news has been breathlessly reporting this late-breaking development, you’d think we were in the middle of some twisted holiday special and Halloween is in danger of being cancelled! No tricks. No treats. No caramel apples. No inappropriate costumes. No Headless Horseman. No Great Pumpkin. Ever. Nope. Halloween is wiped off the calendar, never to be seen again. What will the little kiddies do? Where’s Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer when you need him? He’d know what to do! Oh. They get to go trick or treating tomorrow? That’s great! More time to buy candy! And just in case you’re looking to buy some candy, here’s a handy-dandy, completely unscientific, totally subjective list of the best Halloween candies. And why do I care about what candy you buy? Because of the Daddy Tax, of course. It is, after all, my civic duty to continue to teach my children about the reality of taxation. You’ll thank me later when they’re contributing their fair share to society.

If you love your country, you’ll give away these candies

Krackle (unfortunately, they’re only available in mini, no-fun size now. Boo.)
Reese’s Pieces
Mr. Goodbar
Twix
Kit Kat
3 Musketeers
Caramello
Milky Way
Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups
Peanut M&M’s

If you’re unAmerican, you’ll give away these candies

Candy corn
Circus peanuts
Bit-O-Honey
Anything with licorice
Skittles
Now & Laters
Hot Tamales
Starburst
Bazooka gum
Twizzlers. I used to like them. Until I ate some kind of Twizzlers sundae at Cold Stone Creamery. Totally ruined the candy forever.

So, my fellow Americans, ask not what candy to buy for yourself. Ask what candy to buy for your country. Or something like that. I hope you have some ready for us when we knock on your door ~~today~~ tomorrow.

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Matt Todd

Howdy. I'm Matt. My wife, Christy, and I have four kids and two dogs, I'm passionate about orphan care. I'm a die-hard fan of the Evansville Aces, the Indiana Hoosiers, and Star Wars. I'm trying to live life by the Todd family motto: "It behooves us to live!"