Then God kicked me in the teeth

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It’s not anything I ever plan, but September seems like it has turned into a month of reflection for me. Fresh off the heels of our anniversary and the celebration of Aiden’s birthday, I guess I’m already in a sentimental mood when September hits. For some reason, there are a lot of events that happened in September that have had a significant impact on the story of my life. Some of the events have been amazing, like the day we officially became a family of five.

Others?

Not so much.

And it’s my reflection on this last event that happened two years ago this weekend that forced me to look in the mirror. And I’m not sure I liked what I saw. I thought I had moved past this event. I thought I was not longer harboring any resentment or hard feelings. I might have been wrong about that.

You see, our church is kicking off a new small groups initiative. The main point? Circles are better than rows. I knew that saying. it was the main point of one of the final sermons I preached in Muncie. So while I was excited about this new direction our church is taking and I wholeheartedly agree with the statement that circles are better than rows, I found myself dwelling a bit on the events that led up to my firing. It stirred up some sediment in my soul that I thought had already been settled.

I don’t think this was by accident. Because it fully prepared me for the message I heard Sunday morning. It was almost as if the entire weekend was planned just for me:

Let it go.

And that’s when God kicked me in the teeth. That’s when God opened my eyes and made me realize that I was still nursing some kind of bitterness way down deep inside me. That’s when I knew that I hadn’t gotten past things that I thought I had gotten past. I thought I was fine. I thought I had moved past it. This past weekend showed me that there was still some part of my that was desperately trying to hold on to some part of a grudge.

So I get it now, God.  I give up whatever rights I think I might have had to harbor those hard feelings that were buried deep in the depths of my heart. I might not think it’s fair. And that’s OK. Because forgiveness isn’t fair. I surrender. It’s time to turn the page and leave the past where it belongs – in the past. There’s too much living to do today to be dwelling on things in the past that I cannot change.

I’ve let it go.

And hopefully, I won’t pick it back up.

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Matt Todd

Howdy. I'm Matt. My wife, Christy, and I have four kids and two dogs, I'm passionate about orphan care. I'm a die-hard fan of the Evansville Aces, the Indiana Hoosiers, and Star Wars. I'm trying to live life by the Todd family motto: "It behooves us to live!"
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