“He’d forget his head…”
“….if it wasn’t already attached.”
Yes. That’s me most of the time. Forgetful and sometimes absent-minded. I’ve been known to walk across the street to get something, only to forget what I was going over there to get by the time I walk in the door. I know everyone has this happen at some point. But this can go into overdrive for me. This really shouldn’t come as any surprise to anyone reading this. It comes with the territory. I’ve discovered tricks and tools to help minimize the forgetfulness, keep things organized (in spite of what my desk looks like right now), and to maximize the strengths that can come from this condition. There are days that I struggle, but everyone has those days.
This all started to rear its ugly head when I was in elementary school. Although my parents say it started earlier than I remember, there’s a particular school year where I know it became a problem. It frustrated one of my teachers to no end. He would pick on me. He would make fun of me. Because his nature was to gently pick on all of the students, I believe he thought he was doing it to challenge me and encourage me to get my act together. Of course, now we know that I couldn’t just get my act together on my own. I needed help. My parents were at a loss. I was at a loss. My teachers were at a loss. But he kept picking.
One day, after I’d left the room to try to find an assignment that I’d stuffed into my locker, he told the class, “He’d forget his head if it wasn’t already attached.” True? Probably. But I doubt that was the most beneficial thing to say to a class about a child in elementary school when he’s struggling with forgetfulness.
Some days, when I’m really struggling, I still hear echos of this phrase bouncing around in my mind.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not blaming him. I’m not blaming anyone. Things were different then. What we understood about child development and about things like ADD and ADHD and other conditions were completely different than they are now. But I started habits in those school years that plagued me throughout my academic career. Even in seminary. I never learned how to study properly. I would try to cram the homework in during school the day it was due because I’d forgotten to do it at home. Or I’d put it off so much that it didn’t get done the night before. And then I’d lose it. There were many times I’d find my assignment waded up in the bottom of my locker. I never intended to fail to turn in my homework. It just…happened. I never learned how to come up with a plan to accomplish major projects. I believe a lot of it was because we spent so much time and energy chasing around this unnamed ADD that I carried with me.
So it pains me to see one of our children going through similar issues right now. It is a constant battle to focus. School began two weeks ago. Every day, something homework-related has not been brought home. Homework that should probably take an hour to get done takes all day – and sometimes it still goes to back school incomplete. I see the patterns emerging. Many of them are the same ones I did.
Here’s where I’m concerned – this child still loves learning and has more creativity than the rest of the family combined, but I’m seeing it wane because of the never-ending battle to get the work done. We’ve tried letting the child “fail” before. And honestly? We’re still playing catch-up from that. I want to be proactive in this, but we’re at our wits’ end.
Do I want to save this child from pain? Yeah. Every parent does. But that’s not the point. I know learning about this can be painful. That’s part of the journey. What I want, and believe our child deserves, is for everyone involved to do everything they can do to equip this child with tools to properly adapt to this condition and learn techniques to plan ahead and practice focusing. I want to encourage a love for learning, because this child is bright and creative. We can’t let that creativity die. At the rate this school year is going, that strong light of creativity could be unintentionally snuffed out – that’s the last thing we want to see.
But where do we go from here?
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Matt..that’s a tough one..(he’d forget..)..One thing you can do is create systems to help him organize..(I’m sure that’s already been tried)..things like a folder system-a take home homework/ keep at home, assignment book that the teacher writes in daily and parent signs nightly, a nightly teacher check on the backpack before going home and a parent check getting home and on the way back, a specified place to complete work at a specific time, a break after getting home. I have even had parents I called every couple days or once/ week..to inform and they have a reward system at home for things…(a small, reasonable goal)..Hope that helps. This is from the special educator in me, I have never dealt with this as a parent..so I’m sure you have already tried many things and know more than I.
Best wishes. Celebrate victories!
Although I have never been diagnosed with anything, I have been known to be a little scattered myself and have self developed many things to keep myself on task, like making lists and learning to focus on one task at a time. (Cleaning house with me is a blast.. I start in the kitchen for some minor clearning and before i know it, I’m organizing the entire pantry.)
That having been said, I have two things I feel are important to add:
Make sure the forgetfullness isn’t completely damaging their self worth, but still shows the impact of thier decision. For instance, saying, ” A…. I know you didn’t mean to forget your math book, but now you’ll have less time to play outside because we have to go back to school. Next time, please write down what you need in your planner.”
Yes, that’s coming from a woman with no children, so take it with a grain of salt.
Help him or her develop techniques just like you did- whatever works. LIst, short breaks while doing homework, etc. Reward those techniques with praise and possibly a small reward. (I am a big believe in praise- it’s how I trained my new husband! 🙂
I hope some of this helps! I hate to see your bright and creative child lose all that energry!