I really don’t like the beach.
There. I said it.
Now before you go searching for the tar and feathers, let me explain myself.
I love the ocean. I love seeing the expanse of blue water. It’s fun playing in the crashing waves. Well, it’s fun until you’re tired of tasting the salt. And the sound of those crashing waves? Breathtaking. Soothing. Amazing. I love the ocean.
But the beach? Other than building sandcastles and seeing the occasional sand sculpture, I’m just not sure if there’s much I can find that I enjoy about it.
Dislike #1: The sand.
Lots of it. It gets everywhere. I mean everywhere. You haven’t lived until you’ve changed a kid’s diaper after that kid has been to the beach. And once you’ve changed that diaper, you kinda look for reasons why you shouldn’t go back out onto the beach.
People romanticize the feeling of having the sand between your toes. That might feel good when it’s not 90+ degrees outside. But when it’s even remotely warm out? That sand is pretty hot. And it isn’t fun to have stuck between your toes.
And when you reapply sunblock while you’re covered in sand? It leaves you feeling pretty gross.
Dislike #2: You see things you really shouldn’t see
Beaches are full of three kinds of people…
- People who’ve been out in the sun waaaaaaay too long. They’re either fire engine red or they have leathery skin.
- Pasty-white folk. I’m pretty much talking about the guys who, like yours truly, have a little bit more to love around the middle and don’t really take their shirts off unless it’s to make their backs and shoulders like the people mentioned above. I’m sure my untanned belly was blinding to some people around me. How is that enjoyable to anyone?
- People wearing as little as possible. I’m no prude. I promise. But holy cow. Some people take the whole “less is more” philosophy to the extreme.
Dislike #3: It’s HOT
The whole point of going to a beach is to get out into the sun. You know what? The sun is hot. And there’s no relief when you’re out in the middle of the beach. I know. You can use an umbrella. But that doesn’t really help cool you down. It’s hot. Too hot. Unless you were born on the Sun. Then it might be just a little bit too cool for you. But not by much.
Dislike #4: Sand everywhere
Wait. I already mentioned that. Didn’t I?
I know. I know. I’m turning into an old man. And I’m not really complaining about the fact that we went to Cocoa Beach while on our trip. We had a blast in the ocean. And Mihret loved both the water and the sand.It’s just that I had an epiphany while we were there and I needed to share it. Will I take my family to a beach again? Sure. Not everyone shares my opinion. And I’m OK with that. If there’s a way I can hang out in the ocean without having to bother with the beach, I’d definitely be up for that.
But if you give me a choice between visiting the mountains and sitting on a beach? I’ll choose the mountains 120 times out of 100.
Of course, this puts #17 on my List in a completely different light. But since candlelight requires evening, that will eliminate several of the aforementioned Dislikes. 🙂
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