What’s Your Sign?

About a week ago, the world was abuzz with the news that the horoscope you’ve been reading could very well have been wrong the entire time. This led to “Fire and brimstone coming down from the skies! Rivers and seas boiling…Forty years of darkness! Earthquakes, volcanoes…The dead rising from the grave!…Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together…mass hysteria!” Left is right, up is down, yes is no. And now? Pisces is Aquarius.

Mass hysteria, I tell ya!

Since everything’s all topsy-turvy, I figure it’s time to go ahead and designate our own personal zodiac signs. So, for today’s Wonderful Wookiee Wednesday, I present to you my own personal sign of the zodiac:

The Wookiee
Wookiees are gentle, loyal, and loving until they encounter injustice at the hands of an oppressive government. Then they are known to fly off the handle in what is commonly referred to as “Wookiee Rage.” Never, ever pretend to imprison a Wookiee.

They have sensitive noses and don’t appreciate foul smells – especially rotting trash. Generally tall and hairy, they are sometimes mistaken for walking carpets. They have a tendency to think with their stomachs and are known to rip people’s arms out of their sockets when they lose.

I think that fits me much better than the previous sign I was supposedly born under, don’t you?

Hey, by the way, what’s your sign? I suggest you pick a good one. Of course, if you don’t like it, you can always change it like they did last week.


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Howdy. I'm Matt Todd. My wife and I have four kids and a dog,. I'm passionate about orphan care. I'm a die-hard fan of the Evansville Aces, the Indiana Hoosiers, and Star Wars. I'm trying to live life by the Todd family motto: "It behooves us to live!"